


The Ketterly Constant

by pyrrhical (anoyo)



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-04
Updated: 2010-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 14:37:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5931969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anoyo/pseuds/pyrrhical
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are many things that Kirk has been forced to learn, as a Starship Captain; things that he might not have learned, had he never joined Starfleet, or if he'd ascended to Captain at a normal rate. Some of these things he's learned the easy way, through long vid conversations with Pike, or Spock Prime, or even his mom, when they can both force themselves to admit that "necessary" outranks "awkward." Some of these, however, he's learned the hard way, through experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ketterly Constant

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2/4/10 [here](http://pyrrhical.livejournal.com/169572.html).

There are many things that Kirk has been forced to learn, as a Starship Captain; things that he might not have learned, had he never joined Starfleet, or if he'd ascended to Captain at a normal rate. Some of these things he's learned the easy way, through long vid conversations with Pike, or Spock Prime, or even his mom, when they can both force themselves to admit that "necessary" outranks "awkward." Some of these, however, he's learned the hard way, through experience.

Take, for example, the fact that it's a really bad idea to leave Bones on the ship during an away mission, even though protocol says that the Chief Medical Officer is generally more useful making sure that emergency procedures can be taken, if they need to. It's much better, for both the sanity of the other Medical personnel and for Kirk himself, if Bones is just allowed to come along and treat whatever idiotic injuries are received on-site, even if he winds up making do with less appropriate equipment, when beaming back to the Enterprise would have been just as efficient. Sometimes, when beaming back isn't actually an option, Kirk will concede to himself that taking Bones along has saved a few lives. His own, just possibly, included. Just possibly.

Another example is shore leave. Protocol dictates that shore leave must be taken every x number of days, dependent upon a variable that contains the stress level of the missions and the frequency thereof, which Kirk is surprised to learn he has a staff member whose sole job it is to calculate. The first time Kirk scheduled shore leave, he let it go based on this calculation.

It was a "right round disaster," as Scotty had proclaimed from his bed in Medical, where not even the threat of a Court Martial could get him to admit just how, exactly, he'd wound up with a split lip and four broken fingers when tracking had him listed as never having left the Starfleet base at which they'd docked. Kirk had given up and gone on to the next bed; he had 87 more interviews to conduct, all of a very similar nature. When he'd called Pike to ask, almost frantically, what on earth had happened, Pike had simply laughed and laughed and laughed.

"There's more to understanding crew psychology than equations, Kirk," Pike had said, grinning in a fatherly, condescending way that Kirk was positive only Pike could ever achieve. "You have to figure out the right balance for your own crew. In normal circumstances, you'd have served with your crew for a time before being given the ability to grant shore leave, so you'd be able to sense growing tensions." Pike grinned. "Why don't you enlist help on the ship? I can't tell you what's right for your crew, Kirk."

That had been incredibly helpful; by which Kirk meant that he was pretty sure he was sending Pike something juvenile and insulting as soon as he had the ability. Or as soon as he could con Sam into doing it for him, which was always something to try. Either way, Kirk took Pike's advice and enlisted Bones' help.

At least, he tried. Maybe the extent of his success was a good example of why his first shore leave had gone so spectacularly.

"Bones," Kirk had greeted, entering his CMO's office with a grin and his customary confidence. It wouldn't do to seem like Bones' advice was the only thing standing between him and utter failure. "You got a minute?"

"For you?" Bones had asked, glancing up from a stack of files. "I sure wish I didn't."

"Oh, you love me, and you know it," Kirk had quipped, perching on the edge of Bones' desk and jostling his paperwork. "I spoke with Pike about the failure that was shore leave, and he told me that shore leave was about something more than just that calculation. He said it was about crew psychology, and getting to know when my crew's tensions meant that they needed leave."

Bones had given Kirk a dry look, tapping the end of a pen on the desk in an impatient motion. "If that's the case, we're lucky the damn ship didn't explode. Why'd you come running to me?"

Kirk had grinned and replied, "Well, I figured since you were the tensest guy on the ship, you ought to be the best to ask about crew tensions. I mean, if anyone knows when we're reaching breaking point, it'd be you, right?"

Around then had been when Bones had thrown the pen at Kirk's head and threatened to bodily remove him from his office, yelling that, "I can damn well see why leave went as badly as it did if that's what you came up with! Come back when you've grown up, you goddamn kid!"

So maybe he'd gone about that the wrong way, but he really couldn't resist taking the jab at Bones when it was wide open, and, sure, maybe he could see the giant sign that said that, as a Captain, he did have some growing up to do. He made the right choices when it mattered, anyway; that had to count for something. Probably. Kirk ignored the voice in his head that muttered that keeping Romulans from blowing up his ship didn't score very high if he let his own crew blow it up from unnoticed tensions.

Unfortunately, his attempts with Spock, Chekov, and Sulu didn't go over much better than his talk with Bones. He did manage to keep from actively making fun of them, but they didn't offer very practical solutions to his problem. Spock recommended a monthly stress survey, which, while possibly helpful, was unlikely to actually yield any results. Kirk postulated this because he, for one, would not have taken such a survey very seriously. Or seriously at all. He probably would have answered in limerick, just to be annoying. The more Kirk dealt with the responsible members of his crew, the more he realized he was only one of them if you squinted really hard and had never met him before.

Chekov had suggested asking the crew to file reports when they believed that their tension levels were becoming unmanageable, and while Kirk agreed that that would be supremely helpful, he also realized that it would not work at all, for a number of reasons, which ran the gamut from too-badass-to-admit-to-tension to will-file-every-three-days-to-get-out-of-work. Chekov had apparently never considered either; such things do not occur in Russia was what his facial expression suggested, and Kirk was mildly disturbed to realize that he knew what that looked like. Then again, it might mean that he was getting a step closer to this psychic-tension-noticing thing, so he took it from the "creepily close" box and stuck it in the "I just rock this shit" box and dropped it.

Sulu had just said that maybe he should hire a psychic to feel out the psychic tension levels of the crew. Kirk vetoed that one on the fact that it was sort of creepy, Spock had made the way-too-familiar facial expression that suggested that he was going to veto it if Kirk didn't and it was going to come with a very long description of why, and it felt way too much like losing. James T. Kirk didn't lose, especially when it came to being a Starship Captain.

He had started to ask Uhura, but thought better of it when she gave him the it's easier to sterilize this boot than to remove it from your ass look. Kirk didn't linger at all on why he knew that one, as self-preservation had always made him a fast learner.

Fortunately, aside from being badass and hot as hell, Kirk counted himself as one lucky son of a bitch. As it happened, during an away mission a few months later, Kirk had an odd sense of déjà vu. 

While planetside -- or small-orbiting-body-side, Kirk hadn't really been paying attention, as while he had been reading the information on the world they were visiting, Scotty had taken that moment to inform him that he might have been tinkering with the transporter again, and they might be stuck something-or-other-side until he got it worked out -- one of the ensigns he'd taken with him had taken an unnecessary pot shot at one of the hostile, but idiotic, natives. She had looked very satisfied with herself, and let out a comfortable sigh of stress relief.

Kirk had said, "Huh," and then, "Hey, Bones?"

"Yeah?" Bones had asked, looking up from where he was dressing a minor cut on Ensign Bradley's thigh.

"Does that seem familiar to you?" Kirk had asked, gesturing to Ensign Ketterly's gloating smile of accomplishment.

"What," Bones had said, "you mean the unnecessary force that you're going to have to put into your report?"

Kirk had rolled his eyes, but replied, "Yeah, that."

"Sure, happened on a few missions right before the last shore leave. Had to write up Ensigns Ligby, Kniress, and K'hena, and Lieutenant Jones." Bones had looked back up at him after finishing the field dressing. "Why?"

"Think that might be the sign we need a shore leave that I've been looking for?" Kirk asked, gesturing again.

Bones' eyebrows had shot up before he frowned and snorted. "You know, you might not be as hopeless as I thought."

"Love you, too, Bones," he had said, grinning as he walked away to attempt to sternly reprimand Ensign Ketterly for her unnecessary force, all the while congratulating himself for his keen skills of observation.

It was later, as he was sitting in Medical taking account of all the injuries earned on the most recent shore leave, that Kirk gave himself that pat on the back, adding to his pile of paperwork an extra report, titled "Shore Leave Addendum: the Ketterly Constant." He watched the Medical staff doing their jobs, taking accounts of injuries and facetious reports on how those injuries had been obtained, and smirking as he described the variable to the Lieutenant who determined when their shore leave needed to be scheduled.

"Hey, Bones," Kirk called out, spinning the office chair he'd absconded with from Bones' office to face his CMO. "You want to help me with a new research project?"

"If it has anything to do with young, female ensigns, I want nothing to do with your court-martial-worthy debauchery," Bones called from somewhere on the other side of the room.

Smiling instead at Ensign Ketterly, who had been admitted to the Medical ward with some bruised ribs, a black eye, two broken fingers, and an extremely sated ego, Kirk called back, "No, just a correlative study on how many times our shore leave-causers wind up in Medical after their corresponding shore leave. I'll bet you it's asymptotically nearing 100%."

Bones barked out a laugh from wherever he was working. "I don't take losing bets. Get back to your damn paperwork."

Kirk smirked and waved jauntily at Ensign Ketterly, who had turned to give him an extremely puzzled face. "I'll be sure to send you a fruit basket, if it gets published." As a Starfleet Captain, Kirk has been forced to learn a great number of things. Chances are, he'll be forced to learn even more. 

No one ever said he couldn't have fun in the process. At least he'd made Ensign Ketterly smile, and maybe he was imagining it, but Kirk thought he could feel the tension that had run out of the Enterprise during the last shore leave. He'd always done his best work with practical application learning, anyway.


End file.
